Chapter 2: The Blue Candle

Hello All! I'm currently telling the story of what the Lord has been doing in my life over the past 2 years, and each segment builds upon the previous ones, so if you haven't read the first part yet, I would recommend going back to my original post and starting there! It'll make way more sense that way! 😊 Oh and thanks for stopping by and reading! 

Chapter 2

              A month or so later (while I'm still wrestling through all that the Lord had spoken to me about already) one of the pastors at my church approached me about being on a prayer team for an event at our church that we have twice a year. I hesitated, not really feeling super confident in my abilities to be a prayer team member, and so he just asked me to think and pray about it, and to get back to him in a week or two. A few days later I was at Chick-fil-a with a couple friends from work, enjoying our delectable chicken nuggets as well as each others' company. As we were finishing up, we decided to take the time to not only share prayer requests, but to pray with and for another as well. As Heather began to pray for Emily, I began to get this picture in my head, which seemed to have nothing to do with what she was praying about, but the more she prayed, the more vivid the picture became. Even after she was done, I couldn't shake the image out of my head! So I took a big breath of courage and stepped out into the unknown... I said, "So I got this image in my head and I am not really sure what it means at all, but hopefully it'll mean something to you". I then began to describe the vision to her and to do my best to pray into it. When I was done praying, I looked up to see that Emily was just absolutely bawling her eyes out, complete with mascara and eye liner stains all down her cheeks!! She just looked at me and kept repeating over and over, "You have no idea...you just have no idea! You really have no idea..." No explanation, just the phrase "You have no idea...you really have no idea..." And you know what? I didn't need to know! Whatever it meant, that was obviously between her and the Lord and it was clear to both of us that I was just the messenger. However, it was also very clear what the Lord was wanting to speak to me about! It was this moment of  confidence building, of realizing,"Oh wait...I can do this after all! I DO hear from the Lord and He DOES speak through me to others!" So the very next day I called up the pastor and told him that yes I would like to be placed on a prayer team after all...which leads to chapter 3 and how the Lord began to slowly dismantle this prison that I had unintentionally found myself in in chapter 1... 

Learning to Dance...The Past Two Years in Retrospect - Chapter 1

Wow. My heart is almost full to bursting over all that I have to share with you today, for this blog post has been a long time coming! This is the story that I would eagerly share with you in person, but for some reason when it comes to actually writing it down and publishing it here, it gets pushed to the back burner as procrastination, distractions, and excuses take first place instead. This is the story that the enemy does NOT want me to write- for this is the story of my past two years, the story of a loving God who has been relentlessly pursuing me, wooing me, teaching me of His love, and calling me out onto the dance floor of life with Him. Or as my very wise and awesome best friend once wrote to me in the midst of everything,  "But you are entering the true story of grace- where you want to ask God for "steps 1,2,3...." and He says, "Once upon a time..."

Chapter One - The Compliment

             This all began a couple years ago with a simple compliment from a friend. We were sitting on the couch at my apt with my roommate hanging out and talking when he turned to me and gave me possibly one of the greatest compliments that I have ever been given. Ironically, I can't remember exactly what it was he said, but it was something to the effect of "You are an amazing, godly woman, and don't ever feel like you need to change who you are, because you give us guys something to strive for." I sat there stunned, not even sure how to react. I even remember looking over at my roommate as if she would know how to respond for me...Anyway, I'm sure that I muttered out something and the conversation moved on...but the growing unease that it caused in me did not. In fact, it seemed to be growing steadily instead, until one morning on the way to work, I started talking to the Lord about it. I said, "Lord, I know that I am usually not super great with accepting compliments, but what is it about this one? Why after several days, do I still not know how to handle it?" It was then that the Lord revealed to me that what I THOUGHT was humility was actually a type of false humility. I wasn't thinking of myself less (humility), I was being self-deprecating and thinking less of myself  and had actually become entangled in this huge stronghold of lies about myself that I didn't even realize were there! I was absolutely blown away and befuddled by how sly and subtle the enemy had been in building that stronghold brick-by-brick and here I was completely oblivious! Well, I was NOT oblivious anymore, Thank the Lord! (literally) However, where was I supposed to go from here? How was I supposed to be able to break free from this stronghold of lies about my identity and self-worth that I found myself in? That's where Chapter 2 comes in... 😉

Ducks & Sponges

        Where are you in life right now? Are you currently being a duck or a sponge? Not sure? Just really confused in general? Haha, well then let me explain. Being a duck or a sponge is a picture that the Lord gave me last year to help illustrate a very important point that He wanted to teach me. The explanation is this- in every situation and relationship that we have in our life we are going to be either a duck or sponge. And depending on the situation/relationship each one could be either good or bad. It's all about what we soak in (like a sponge) and what we let roll off our backs. (Like water off a duck's feathers.) There are times that we need to a sponge soaking it all up, absorbing every last drop, and there are times that we just need to let it roll off and move on with our lives! However, I felt the Lord saying,"The problem here is that you tend to be a duck when you should be a sponge and sponge when you should be a duck." WOW. I wanted to stand up and deny it, but as I tried to come up with a defense and I thought through my life, I realized that He was right...How many times had I absorbed up criticism from others or the lies from the enemy instead of just letting it roll off and moving on? Then, when the Lord would send along someone to speak words of affirmation and/or love over me and my life, I would just brush it off or deflect it...Wow, what a moment of breakthrough and revelation that was for me to have that word picture sitting right there in my mind! And so now, whatever situation that I am in, I can immediately go to that picture and think, "Do I need to be a sponge or a duck right now?" It's been awesome in helping me to realize what needs to absorbed and what needs to just be deflected.  Now, do I get it right all the time? Heck, no!! And yet, it has still been extremely helpful for me to apply to my life.

How about you? How does visualizing yourself as a duck or a sponge help you process things and work through different situations in your life? Feel free to share below if you'd like!

Finally, Lord help us to remember to ALWAYS be sponges when it comes to You and the many ways that You speak to us! We want to hear from You, for you are the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Your words bring life and healing to our souls. You are our Good Shepherd! Help us to come to know you more and more each day, to be filled up with You, so that we may be poured/squeezed out for You. It's in Your Son's Name that we pray, Amen.