So we've finally made it to Quiet Waters in April of 2015! One of the first things that happened while I was there was that during the music, the Lord gave me a specific message for a really good friend of mine that really helped to once again confirm that I could and was indeed hearing Him speak to me with messages that He had for those around me. Second of all, because of my love for almost all things classic Disney, this same friend dubbed me his "fairy godmother," a role that I cherish and still take quite seriously to this day. As much as I do love that story, however, it's not the one that I want to focus on today. The main story that I want to start to share is the story of me meeting the love and person of Jesus through my dancing before Him and with Him in worship.
Dance. Dancing. A Dancer. These words have become so dear and so thematic of the past 2 years of my life (and they continue to be in my current life as well.) It's not only the physical act of dancing or of being a dancer, but of how the Lord is using that as metaphor for my whole life in how He wants to lead and guide me. (But now I'm getting ahead of myself...) Anyway, as in most things in life, in order to move forward, we must look back as well. As a self-proclaimed history dork, I believe that to truly appreciate the current story, that it is crucial to know the history behind it, which is why we must travel even farther back to my high school/college years for just a minute.
I've also always been a pretty physically expressive person, so it should come as no surprise that I have come to love dancing to worship music. I wasn't always like that though. It originally started as a way for me to be able to connect with the Lord in the privacy of my own room with no one else around. There was just something about certain songs that moved me to want dance out what the music was bringing out in me. I would also dance at church, but it was usually just hopping up and down in place to the beat of a song. As I started to feel more secure and at home in my church environment, I would go to the back of the room in order to be able move about a little more freely. I know that I commented to more than one person that if I could see myself, I would probably be too mortified to ever dance again....(haha coordination has never been a strong suit of mine...)
Coming back to 2015 and Quiet Waters, I've got my place dancing in the back of the room when I feel the Lord impressing me to go up towards the front. Not the front front, but the front off to the left side of the rows of chairs. (He basically just wanted me to move forward from the space where I was.) I immediately, of course, started arguing with Him, informing Him of all the reasons that why that was not a good idea. "Lord," I said, "I can't go up there, I might distract someone. You know that's why I always dance in the back, so as not to distract others from their pursuit of meeting with you." (Isn't it ridiculous how good that we can get at spiritualizing our reasons for disobedience sometimes?) I imagine that He made one of those snort laughs that tends to come out when we think someone is just being utterly ridiculous, and again He said, "I want you to go to the front..." Even though it took everything in me, I began to slowly move forward...bit by bit by bit....but it seemed like the closer that I got to the front, the more stilted, bound up, and awkward that I felt...People could actually see me now without having to look behind them! I said, "Lord, are you sure about this?? No one else is up here and I really don't want to be distracting anyone who's trying to focus on You.." And you know what He said?? "Julia, this has nothing to do with you not wanting to distract people and everything to do with the fact that you don't feel worthy enough to be up here. You don't dance in the back because you're humble, you dance in the back because that's where you feel that you belong."
Y'all I couldn't believe it!! My mind was blown again! He was once again revealing another layer to me of this stronghold that I found myself in that I didn't even know was there!!! It was like peeling back the layers of an onion, one layer at a time. If there is anything at all that I have learned about the Lord's heart towards us through all of this, it is this...He is so gracious to us and so patient in the way that He deals with us and all our stuff!! He knows it all already, but He also knows how much or little we can handle and He deals with us accordingly. He's not looking for an immediate "fix" but rather, He is willing to walk with us THROUGH it, because He is IMMANUEL, God WITH Us. Amen and Hallelujah! I do so hope and pray that you'll allow Him to walk with YOU through whatever you may be going through or dealing with right now! He's not done speaking to you yet! And He wasn't done with me either! There's more to come in chapter 4! Stay tuned to hear how He helped me to break though those lies of unworthiness to be able to dance freely for Him no matter where I am!! 😄
No comments:
Post a Comment