The Beauty of the Process...

     So I just finished doing Beth Moore's new Bible study on James and let me just tell you, it is phenomenal!! If you have to chance to be able to do it, I would highly recommend it! I feel like I could spend a whole week just talking about everything that I learned/God taught me through those 10 or so weeks. :-) However, there's a phrase from her last video session that I wanted to mention today. As she's tying up the study, she mentions how we need to be able to slow down and enjoy "the beauty of the process." She then goes on to talk about how she knew at 18 that God was calling her into some kind of ministry, but that it wasn't until she 34 that God led her to what she is doing now. I found this greatly encouraging, since as a 25 year old, 3 years out of college, I had been feeling frustrated and somewhat like a failure lately because I could not seem to figure out what it was that God was preparing me for in my life. Little did I know that this phrase was to become the describing phrase of my life lately. God seems determined to get me to sit down, take my hands off any and every situation, and just enjoy the beauty of the process...Although I have to say that I haven't been particularly enjoying it, I know that He is sure is teaching me quite about myself through this all.
       And what have I learned about myself? Well, for one, I don't particularly care to step back and enjoy the beauty of the process when there is an unknown outcome involved. I like to have a plan and everything thought out and planned out ahead of time. I came to realize this as I was pondering why I love the beauty of the process when it comes to sight-seeing, but any other time it drives me crazy. It's because when I am sight-seeing, I am in charge, and I will have a map, a plan/route, and a destination. I can relax and enjoy the journey because I know where it is taking me and where I'm going to end up eventually. The ironic part? There are a great many similarities between what I just described about sight-seeing and how life really is, the only difference is that God is the only one that knows the plan, the directions, the details, and the destination. While this is greatly reassuring, it can also be greatly frustrating because He only shares information on a need-to-know-as-you-go-one-step-at-a-time basis. At times, I am grateful for this, other times not so much. (This is probably also why I prefer to read novels that are written in 3rd person omniscient because then I am not left wondering what someone is thinking, because I already know.) I like details. I want to know details. 
    But thank the Lord for His goodness in not telling me details most of the time and protecting me from myself. It may be driving me crazy now, but I know that when I look back on this, I will be so thankful that I only knew what I needed to know, and that I didn't know everything that I wanted to know. I guess that that's really what learning to enjoy the beauty of the process is all about...it's about recognizing that I don't need to know everything beforehand and that it IS ok to just let go and wait and see what God does with it all. It is then that I realize that perhaps I am not quite as patient as I would like to think I am. But that is a post for next time... ;-)

Update: I just found this as I was scrolling through my fb page, it's from earlier in the study, but it definitely fits so well here- "...try as you may, you can't rush training. Really, what I meant to say was this: you can't rush God. You can't push Him. You can't pull Him. You can't tug Him or taunt Him. If He has a mind to linger right where He is you can't budge Him one inch. You can, however, try to go without Him; but chances are, you'll come back because, if you really have a heart for God, you'll be miserable beyond His blessing."